QR Code Idea

I have a great idea even if I say so myself,

It has to do with putting one on a permanent shelf,

When you die to put a barcode on your stone,

To know who is the owner of the underground zone,

Then one can go with the Smartphone and click,

Get the QR CODE it is an easy Shtick,

Then we can catalogue the layout of the graves,

Have a map and offer special coupon that saves,

You get the whole info on the stiff below,

Expiry date, birth date, preferred Shiraz or Bordeaux,

I see great future for such an original venture I do,

Because everyone will die to be my client you too,

xox

A Warm Winter Day

On my daily walk on a side street,

There was a yellow digger with a black seat,

It was munching away on the asphalt and soil,

It was working and digging hard, lots of toil,

Beside it a building that reaches to the sky,

It is standing so tall I have no idea why,

A dog out for a walk wearing a sweater,

Must be cold on account of the weather,

A lone tree sticking out like a middle finger,

Why do trees lose their leaves in the winter?

If I painted an evergreen yellow and blue,

Would it still be an evergreen for me and you?

Haymishe bakery was burnt down this week,

Alas those bagels are gone they were unique,

I know I speak on behalf of the entire community,

Please come back soon on first opportunity,

xox

A Miracle in the Bible Belt

An American white woman said she got pregnant,

Watching a 3D porn movie without intent,

According to her, she has been alone,

While her husband was for a year in the Iraqi war zone,

When he was fighting the terrorist groups,

With his brothers in arms, with the USA troops,

She gave birth to an eight-pound black baby boy,

A gorgeous little baby a bundle of joy,

No idea how it happened although she did suspect,

That the 3D movie was indeed extremely High-Tech,

It felt so real with the special 3D glasses on,

At the end of the movie her underwear were gone,

Her husband said he believes every word she says,

He got his gonorrhea listening to a CD by the “Talking Heads”,

xox

My GPS

I have a great GPS, it is magic,

Lucky I understand it or it could be tragic,

It tells me where to go I trust it completely,

It will always take me to my destination discreetly,

Although it is a special GPS, it is one of a kind,

Of course, you will have doubts but never mind,

All I have to do is click in the postal code,

Or the address of the street or the road,

Start the car and follow the instructions,

It will take me there without obstructions,

So you now ask why is it magical what do you mean,

How is it magic your amazing GPS machine?

Well, it has a list and in most 100% of cases,

It takes me to non-existent places,

Last week on my trip home without commotion,

I ended up 30 meters into the Pacific Ocean,

Yesterday on my way to Mr. Rolando,

I found myself on the 4th floor of a condo,

I like my GPS it is never a bore,

My GPS is the only way to explore,

xox

Tree Hugger

Taking a long almost two hours walk,

Squawking in the snow – white as chalk,

The warmer air hovering in a low cloud,

Over the colder snow – a covering shroud,

The mist like an Akira Kurosawa movie scene,

Where black & white melts into red and green,

Children in the schoolyard play ball and catch,

The cold, snow, children, the sun, it’s a love match,

Out of nowhere comes a cross-country skier,

On the trail he labours, he seems going to expire,

The long railways dark lines in the snow,

Going from who knows to I do not know,

The tree trunks look so cold lonely and snubbed,

I’ll go over and hold them they need to be hugged,

xox

All That Jazz

I love R&B and Jazz Swing and Fusion,

Soul and Rhythm too add to the confusion,

There is Texas, Kansas, Chicago and Louisiana,

Detroit, swamp and St. Louis, acoustic and Delta,

Which is which? is impossible to tell,

I tried a few times but what the hell,

I just enjoy the music the rest I do not care,

If the music is from Madagascar or from Delaware,

I just have a drink, light my Cuban cigar, and relax,

Thank God, on good Jazz music we still do not pay tax,

xox

Zoe’s Tooth

Zoe called me with the big news,

Saba I have a tooth that is getting loose,

It is going left and right up and down,

Do you think Saba I will need a crown?

Well Zoe the tooth you are losing is a baby tooth,

You are now a grown up and that is the truth,

You will soon lose all the baby teeth one by one,

You will see it is going to be lots of fun,

Ask mommy and daddy to talk to the tooth fairy,

To get you a present (as long as it is not smelly),

We will make a collection of all your molars and teeth,

All the ones from above and the ones from beneath,

We will get so many presents in exchange for each tooth,

Your parents will need to mortgage their house to boot,

xox

Naive

People say I am so naive,

People say I so easily believe,

I sincerely do not understand why,

I am so insulted I could cry,

When I went to New York last spring,

I bought there an 8 Dollars diamond ring,

For New Years Eve after a drink of Scotch,

I bought for 6 Dollars a genuine Rolex Watch,

At the mall, I got myself an original Picasso,

On Saturday, I bought a gold mine in Burkina Faso,

People say I am naive, some say I am a bit funny,

But I paid for all that with Canadian Tire money,

xox

Friends and Enemies

I once knew a man that one day disappeared,

He was tall and wide and he was much feared,

With his machine guns, cowboy hat and long beard,

He was out of place; indeed, he looked very weird,

Now, one would ask where did the man disappeared to?

Where did he go without leaving a clue?

I asked around, the man had no enemies at all,

Just many friends that wished him dead in the hole,

And with such friends surrounding you all day,

Who needs enemies that want you out of the way,

The moral of this story is very simple really,

Your best friend could also be your worst enemy,

xox

I Cannot Remember the Names

It just dawned on me it is already 40 years,

In my mind and memory it has only been days,

Still, somehow I cannot remember all the names,

Of friends and comrades, the fallen, gone in flames,

As if the names were scorched out, seared away,

Is it my mind, which decided games to play?

I remember all the young faces we were only nineteen,

We were new to the world our slate was still clean,

The world as always watched us the few, grinding teeth,

Standing strong, holding, and eventually bring defeat,

To an enemy that a thousand times outnumbered us,

With swarms of tanks and artillery in great mass,

We were too young to be afraid or maybe too stupid,

Concerned less with Hades and more with Cupid,

Thus, we lost thousands of my generation,

A void, a gap, no replacement, no salvation,

For me sleepless nights fighting my demons,

God knows there are many, maybe millions,

And today 40 years later a big void in my head,

As a big part of me for 40 years has also been dead,

xox

Climbing A Tree

Sometimes we climb a tall tree,

We do not mean it but it happened to be,

Up there because of ego or another silly reason,

Could be the weather, the tide or the season,

We wish we could solve the situation,

But are held back by apprehension,

There are a few solutions to such a dilemma,

Not necessary surrounded by drama,

We can climb higher up the tree,

Further up where no one can see,

We can do nothing and stay hanging,

Nor here nor there just holding and clinging,

We can jump down all the way to the ground,

Maybe break a leg as we come around,

Or we can do the brave and logical way out,

Climb down, this is what it is all about,

xox

Danny Kaye

Today would have been his 100th birthday,

Yes, I am talking of no other but Danny Kaye,

The brilliant fast talker of the comedies,

The musicals the funny faces the stories,

What most people don’t really know is the fact,

Danny Kaye was so much more than just that,

He was also involved in charity work world over,

UNICEF, in places you may reach only with a Land Rover,

He was also a chef cooking Italian and Chinese,

I assume he never mixed the soya sauce with cheese,

He also was a flight enthusiast flying planes,

Not to mention he owned the Seattle Mariners,

A man of many faces, facets and interests,

Danny Kaye one of the best as good as it gets,

xox

Hockey Is Back

Can you believe hockey is back?

Canada is again like a nation on crack,

Glued to the TV, radio or live at the Center,

With hockey night in Canada with Don the mentor,

The beer commercials the car ads,

While on the ice the guys with sticks and pads,

Strike or not we always forgive them boys,

Because at the end of the day we need our toys,

Without hockey, Canada is a nation without luck,

With hockey back, nobody gives a puck,

xox

Save the Planet

We are being silly stupid and presumptuous,

We are told “save the planet”, this is gas,

The planet will be Ok trust me have no fear,

Only us humans will be no more and disappear,

The cockroaches will be here still in full force,

So will the crocodiles and the octopus,

The trees, the grass, the moss and ants,

Will all be here so will the plastic plants,

Save the planet is a joke the planet is safe,

It is we humans digging our early grave,

xox

Caesar Preferred Greek Salad

Although the common belief is that Caesar,

Preferred Caesar salad with a lemon squeezer,

The truth was much simpler indeed,

He preferred Greek Salad with Sesame seed,

Pita, tahini sauce and pickles on the side,

Green tomatoes, sauerkraut, one fig, dried,

Sometimes he would have for breakfast, early,

Three eggs Benedict, and a double Bloody Mary,

Dessert would be after the Beef Wellington,

A huge glass of Brandy, what else? Napoleon,

xox

French Fries

When we were young many years ago,

Young enough we were still supposed to grow,

We would get together around the kitchen sink,

Get out lots of potatoes brown yellow and pink,

Skin them nicely; clean them up spotless and shiny,

Kept only the good ones got rid of the tiny,

Then we would slice them lengthwise perfectly matched,

All lined up to be dried, lined unscratched,

We get a huge skillet full with vegetable oil,

Better tasting fried although you may also broil,

Then we made special dipping sauce Holland style,

Mix a little lemon, touch of pepper, mayo and a smile,

Many years have gone since those nightly parties,

When we had fries before we got blocked arteries,

Now we eat carrots, freshly peeled and healthy,

Yet the smell of fresh French fries still drives us crazy

xox

My New Address

I got my face on Facebook,

In LinkedIn, I set my hook,

I have twitted my way to Twitter,

No one will dare call me quitter,

I am blogging on my Blogger,

On Netlog I am now a Netlogger,

MySpace is next to Google Plus,

Which I rather not discuss,

I am on Focus and Xing, and Flickr,

When I do not visit SideKicker,

Last week I yahooed next to Byng,

Wandering what the new day will bring,

Since I have now became virtual,

My new address is Yahoo corner of Google,

xox

Baking, My Specialty

I love cooking original recipes of all sorts,

Desserts, entrees, pies and tortes,

I like to play around, replace ingredients,

Experiment, try, put in my two cents,

I exchanged lemon with chocolate,

Replaced coconut with a date,

Instead of a teaspoon of sugar syrup,

I put half a cup of minced hyssop,

Then to finalize with a final touch

Half a bottle of 12-year-old scotch,

Then baking for forty minutes on high,

My creation brought tears to my eye,

Before serving, to add a kick,

I added to my cake one clove of garlic

xox

Long Curly Hair

Monday night I was babysitting,

Something I do, my schedule permitting,

The girls as usual were playful and fun,

Doing their thing the daughters of my son,

Then Zoe put her hand on my shaved head,

She said, “Saba you know what a dream I had?”

“No dear” said I, “I have no idea, I swear”,

“Well I dreamt you had long curly hair”

She said with a big smile on her face,

I rolled on the floor laughing I confess,

xox

Strike

Last few weeks we had a hunger strike,

Of the First Nation people that did not like,

That there is (according to them) a real issue,

Unequal distribution of Canada’s resources in their view,

I am no expert on the facts don’t have enough info,

To pick up sides I just do not really know,

On TV they had Chief this and Chief that,

Each interviewed wearing a huge feather hat,

I think the biggest problem of the First Nation’s,

Is that everyone is a chief and there are no Indians,

xox

My New Smartphone

I got a new telephone a Smartphone,

It is a genius I can call my own,

It is so smart I am afraid to admit,

If I get it upset it goes into a fit,

On the weekends it reads the comics section,

Then it predicts who will win the election,

It gives me the weather in Djibouti and Tokyo,

The unabridged Bulgarian version of Pinocchio,

It runs a very accurate GPS and maps,

Tells me which horse will win on the tracks,

My new Smartphone has such a high IQ,

How to use it I swear – I have no clue,

xox

Which Hand?

I traveled to Haiti and I traveled to Moscow,

I visited Egypt and went to Morocco,

I stayed in Tobago and lodged in Nigeria,

Had made ice cream from the ice in Siberia,

Every place had its own traditions,

Each had its rituals and convictions,

How to eat, say hello and goodbye,

How to drink  tea or chai,

Do you wipe with the left in this land?

Do you shake with the right hand?

 I am mixed up I do not understand,

I don’t remember shake or wipe with which hand,

So now, I do not have even one friend,

xox

Pictures

I carry pictures in my wallet,

It is not just one or two but a whole set,

Some are with me sitting on a chair,

Others are parachuting through thin air,

In some, I am riding a horse’s back,

In one, I am driving a big truck,

In another picture I swim in the sea,

I also have one doing downhill ski,

In one I am bearded another mustached,

In three, I seem completely retouched,

Yet in all pictures, I look whitish green,

All pictures were taken by an X-ray machine,

xox

Goulash Soup

I took two onions medium size,

It made me tear up in my eyes,

A nice slice of fatty bacon too,

I fried the onions in the fat a minute or two,

Added 3 pounds of cubed chuck roast beef,

Then paprika, parsley root, and a bay leaf,

A couple of carrots, cut to cubes, 2 tomatoes,

Four medium size – peeled washed potatoes,

A bunch of hot red peppers to add heat,

Caraway seeds to flavor the meat,

Cover in chicken stock over the top,

You have a nice goulash soup in the pot,

You eat that with a slice of farmer’s bread,

It is a whole meal in the one plate,

xox