Guess Who Is Dinner?

I had a tomato that refused to talk,
A cucumber that would not take a walk,
An onion that refrained from simply crying,
An iceberg lettuce that just kept on denying,
A few Kalamata olives that would not line up,
A cheese dressing that would not stay in the cup,
A hardboiled egg that was very nervous to stay,
And feta cheese that had looked in dismay,
So now you say, he’s making a salad that is Greek,
Aha says I, it’s Italian it was just a trick,

Chronicles Of an End Foreseen

You just know it’s going to happen,
When death on your door comes a tappin,
Hello he says with his smile wide bone to bone,
I am here for you this time not your clone,
No need to pack, you don’t need anything,
Your ex-wife already took care of everything,
All we need is with us – a stiff drink, a cigar,
No need for fire or lighter where you are,
There is plenty all around where you going to be,
Hot enough to melt your Mozzarella and Brie,
“Shit” said I “you waited to tell me this just now?”
Each week I go and eat through at least a cow,
I can’t eat carbs so toasting is out you know,
How am I expected to live on lettuce and slaw?
Have no fear said he with his smile white as bone,
Where you are going the BBQ is always on,

Valentine’s Day

Today we celebrate Valentine’s Day,
This is something to be cherished in a way,
What can be wrong with loving and caring?
Unless you have passed the age of childbearing,
If you did, you must be a cynic like me, admit,
Commercialism at its best, for the local hypocrite,
From where I sit, I see Eros not to be outdone,
Replaced his bow and arrow with a shotgun,

Growing Crops

Being a farmer for many years,
I had my share of laughter and tears,
Seeing my crops grow with love and care,
With nature’s goods that I like to share,
So why do I wonder with my know-how,
Tending to orchid, field and bull and cow,
That as the years go by, a farmer will shear,
The millions of hairs that grow from his ear,

Girls, Girls, Girls

The Irish do call them, each is a Lassie,
Jeune fille is the French way and it’s classy,
The Spanish call them Senoritas of course,
A Filly is the young female of a horse,
In Italy the Italians call them Ragazza,
In Swedish it’s Flicka, but not in Mombasa,
In Cape-Town she’s a Meisie, in Holland Meisje,
In china it’s Nuhai, in Japan a Geisha,
If you are Canadian you are from Canada,
And if you are Jewish you married a Yenta,

Zika Transformed

Today it was officially publically admitted,
That the Zika virus was sexually transmitted,
I looked all over, checked online and offline,
Under diseases and tumors, malignant and benign,
Nowhere could I find anything that would explain,
Nothing makes sense nor registers in the brain,
Never did I hear of such strange consequence,
When a mosquito dares to take off his pants,
And sexually transmit the Zika virus to a dame,
On a first date no less, Is there no shame?

My Doctor and I

I have been told by my doctor I’m OK,
I should stick to sugarless coffee and hay,
Stay away from saturated and Trans fats,
Away from cats, rats, bats and democrats,
Eat 6 little meals each day, stick to one drink,
Don’t eat too much; you’ll see you’ll shrink,
Exercise five times a week for half an hour,
Stay away from the sweets, go for the sour,
You keep doing this you will live longer you’ll see,
“Live longer like that eating hay? Drinking green tea?”
“A life like this I wish on my enemies”- said I,
Life like this, one is better rolling over and die,
Aha! Said my doctor, you should have no misgiving,
This is how I and the pharmaceuticals make a living,