I Lost It

I knew that one day it will come,
Without a trumpet’s blast, or the roll of a drum,
It came out of nowhere, leaving me scared and lost,
I knew I had to get it back, no matter the cost,
I was driving into the underground parking garage,
My chest tightened as if wearing a tight corsage,
My body felt useless and weak my knees went brittle,
When that voice said: “You now lost your satellite signal”,

Cross Walk

I took a walk today, just to keep firm,
With wind blowing, I advanced like an inch worm,
As I approached the crosswalk near the school,
It felt as I was about to run out of fuel,
It was hard to walk with wind in my face,
Was almost impossible to pick up the pace,
Yet the sign clearly said “cross walk”,
Keep it on 30 KM per Hour you schmuck,
I had no choice and I ran like a rocket,
It’s how I ended up kicking the bucket,
The moral of this event is very clear,
When cross-walking you must shift gear,

Upside Downside

Sometimes I go for a long walk-
In my own imaginary forest of woods,
They grow funny unlike others –
Their green in the ground, up are the roots,
The TV screen I put standing on its head,
The world looks better with its legs up instead,
I don’t hear too well so I’ll read your lips,
During lunch – you were having fish and chips,
Why is it people think I am funny and strange,
When your only friends are on the Facebook exchange,

Santa’s Weight Problem

As Christmas and Chanukah (holidays prime),
Usually run parallel and at the same time,
We light candles eat latkes and donuts,
Or drink eggnog eat turkey with chestnuts,
Treetop with stars and beautiful bells chime,
Lighting the menorah adding candles one at the time,
For years I have had a suspicion that became nagging,
Where did Santa get that huge tummy-
He has been schlepping and dragging?
The answer is simple it is so clear and simple,
It will raise an eyebrow and deepen a dimple,
Santa after a few drinks of the tasty eggnog,
Gets a little mixed up and groggy because of the grog,
Into a house where Chanukah is on, he “erroneously” walks,
Helps himself to latkes, donuts, bagels, cheese and lox,
He waddles to the neighbors where the tree is lit,
Stuffed turkey, cookies, no food is missed or unfit,
Is it a wonder why the good fellow is so overweight?
He is yet to refuse a food put on his plate,

Jewish Holidays

To the Chanukah party I went,
If you are a gentile (it’s a Jewish event),
To my grandson kindergarten I was invited,
Naturally I was extremely delighted,
It’s not every day that we light a candle,
Eat a donut and latke without a scandal,
Come to think of it we eat our holidays,
Put on weight in hundreds of dishes and ways,
Even on Yom Kippur we eat before the fast,
And stuff ourselves after, till we bust,