A Nudist in a Cactus Colony

Obama seems to me like a total schlemiel,
Makes promises makes statements never deliver,
He stands strong and tough on all-important things,
At the end of the day everyone cuts off his wings,
He has put red lines all over the map,
Knowing him though puts us all into a deep nap,
No one takes Obama seriously anymore,
Congress, Assad, Iran use him to wipe the floor,
President Obama I sincerely beg your pardon,
You remind me of a nudist in a cactus garden,
No matter what you do or where u turn,
You end up with a prick from a thorny fern,

Tea with Lemon and Honey

Do you remember those grandmother’s cures,
That were shoved down that throat of yours,
When you were a kid or a child getting sick,
With the flu or another ailment, you chose to pick,
Grandmother, mother, or an old aunt to the rescue,
Cold or hot compresses or leeches came out on cue,
Everyone had a cure they would swear on with their life,
Be it the grocer the neighbor or the butcher’s wife,
They would each walk in with their tools of shamanism,
Kiss the Mezuzah spit 3 times use another mechanism,
Shove a pot full of steam under your stuffy nose,
Put three towels on your head and two on your toes,
Put a few Rosemary bushes under your pillow and bed,
Until you beg god to take you away you wish you were dead,
Then at night after they all went on you medieval,
Mother would give you a cup of tea with lemon and honey-
That drove away all the bad the mean and the evil.

Yellow Fish Purple Fish

I was sitting at the doctor’s waiting room,
Between two patients and a huge aquarium,
In the aquarium, four fish were busy side to side,
One was a big yellow fish swimming at a stride,
The other three were small fish, purple color,
Third the size of the yellow one, much smaller,
Now I could see the purple ones were full of guts,
While the big yellow one acted like a klutz,
Then I understood why this was going on – easy,
I could see why the purple ones would be so sleazy,
You see the yellow one saw the small purple fish,
And assumed he was also one that will fit a dish,
He never figured he was a big yellow brute,
Figured he was purple small, tiny and minute,
On the other hand – the small purple midgets,
Saw the big yellow shark like, equal 15 digits,
They assumed they were as big as he was at least,
They acted each one like a formidable beast,
Humans sometimes act very much the same, well,
And end up with a very strong stinking fishy smell


There is a watch on my cell phone screen,
There is a timepiece on my laptop mean,
I have a grandfather clock in my den,
I have a watch on the side of my pen,
I have a digital watch inside my mechanical,
There is a watch on the wall of the terminal,
There is a clock on the oven in the kitchen,
And in London there is a clock called Big Ben,
I have a watch on the microwave oven above,
There is a watch in the car that I drive,
My desktop has two watches on the bar,
I even have a watch like sun on my cigar,
Why is it that with so many watches up-to-date?
I still show to all my meetings half hour late,

The Games

There were times when I thought of a medal,
Silver, gold, or bronze since I was in the cradle,
It was a burning wish I had and always carried,
Deep inside me it was launched and buried,
I never wanted a medal in the regular games,
For that, one has to be disciplined to make claims,
I knew I was destined for the other games,
If my name was to be up there in flames,
Unfortunately, I never got to be on the team,
And thus never accomplished my childhood dream,
One does not qualify to the Special Olympics,
Having painful hemorrhoids or chopped dry lips,


Today I found a few pencils in my desk drawer,
I could not remember what they were used for,
I remembered I liked them and used them long ago,
Just could not point out for what purpose to or fro,
I spend most of the day trying to resolve the outcome,
I needed to find out so I will not be feeling so dumb,
Eventually it rang a bell and I got out of the fix,
I started using the pencils to eat sushi as chopsticks,

Your Two Cents

When I was a kid, we never saw our dad,
If you were up early enough, you would see his back,
If you went to bed late, you would see him return,
Father was someone that was born to work and earn,
We never saw dad during the week he was never there,
Only on the Sabbath, we saw him sitting on his chair,
Dad was an elusive figure we hardly really knew,
Mother was the boss we were always in her view,
This generation are more fortunate I can see my sons,
Taking active part in raising their little ones,
Changing diapers, playing, going for a long walk,
They are there when the babies start to talk,
They do not miss any of the important events,
Being there, you can put in your two cents,

The Artman Clan

Last night we celebrated my number 3 son Birthday,
He had just turned thirty years old what could I say,
Time does fly when you are getting old it seems,
I am at the stage where I look at my past dreams,
Consider and compare what I wanted my life to be,
What I ended up with what is there for me to see,
I am at the stage where I look at the bottom line,
No longer am I looking up to heaven for a sign,
Last night I looked around the table at my three boys,
With sense of pride and fulfilment that a father enjoys,
Much is going on nowadays many good surprises,
In due time shall become known as opportunity arises,
For the time being, I shall enjoy the kids when I can,
After all, they are the future, my growing Artman clan,

Blue Jays

Dali looks at an egg and it melts on the canvas
Kandinsky looks at the canvass and sees a mess
Marcel Janco looks at the easel and it’s Dada
Ray Charles looked at the easel and saw nada
We each see what we know understand or like
Except for the Blue Jays, that instead of run
Get a strike,


I saw a man he was very big, gigantic,
Seeing him, you would go into a panic,
I asked him why you do not go on a diet man.
Are you trying to be as big as Japan?
But I am on a diet the man answered naively,
I know it does not look it but you have to believe me,
I am on a diet of 2000 calories that I devour,
Instead of per day, I will eat them per hour,

My 50 Pipes

I have about 50 pipes of all shape and size,
Some are straight; some bent sunk or rise,
A few Italians some Canadians few Irish too,
Rhodesians, Parisians, Londoners and Zulu,
Dubliners, Author, Billiards Freehand and Calabash,
Blowfish, Brandy, Poker and Lovat with a dash,
All are carefully collected over almost 50 years,
Some I smoked frequently some just with beers,
Some I smoke in summer some are winter only,
Some I smoke with company because they were lonely,
Some years I rather smoke cigars just because,
Smoking is for fun there are no rules or laws,
If you see me this year, smoking a pipe you’ll know,
Approach me very gently when I smoke away my dough,

Investor Relations

I invested in Apple and Microsoft too,
Bought commodities coffee wheat bamboo,
Invested in shorts and longs on calls and puts,
I made sure I am covered by all routes,
Used all tools of investment options and bonds,
I listened to brunets, gingers and blondes,
I bought a dozen of this and 12 of that,
At the end of the day bottom line was flat,
My point is that with so many “experts” we have,
We will have our money cut by at least half,
Why are those experts not retired by now?
After all, they have all the wisdom and know how,


I am into sustainability and energy saving,
My tagline is; “Please stop the damn wasting”,
We waste our good waters and our energy,
We keep wasting everything we are carefree,
With the waste we throw away daily,
We can feed all of Africa and New Delhi,
We can green up the arid Sahara desert,
We can flood the land from Queensland to Perth,
We can bring back to life the drying Dead Sea,
And lower the warming globe by at least one degree,
Just one thing is impossible to try to attain,
Giving Justin Bieber an ounce of a brain,


“What’s the use in trying” – she sung,
The beautiful Paulette Goddard,
In Modern Times when times were hard,
Together with Chaplin the tramping bard,
What a talent he was little Charlie the tramp,
He made us laugh until we got a cramp,
Small he was yet brave and gutsy to stand,
Unafraid to argue injustice and to comment,
Be it inhumane treatment of the daily worker,
Or the rise of the Nazis and fascists to power,
His speech at the end of the Great Dictator,
Was an amazing naïve statement that rang true,
In 1940 – today – and in the future too,

Groundhog Day

Remember the movie “groundhog day”,
Bill Murray wakes up exactly the same way,
To a Sonny and Cher song on the radio at six,
He has no way out he is stuck in a fix,
I can relate to this in so many ways really,
I know it sounds stupid far-fetched and silly,
But, I have been waking up to the same day,
The world keeps going it’s only me on delay,
All has been done, has been known, nothing new,
A world relived, re-experienced just déjà vu,

Scientific Mind

Since I am of a moderately scientific mind,
A man that against scientific facts likes to grind,
I like to find the strange and unacceptable,
Dive into details understand the perceivable,
Cut, dig, question, and not easily accept,
Never take the easy explanation or the inept,
I am very demanding inquisitive and taxing,
Under my scrutiny there is no relaxing,
So far, to my inquiry all answers were feeble,
I still do not know why chicken breast has no nipple,


Today I won the lottery I won the MAX,
And in Ontario on winning we don’t pay tax,
Ah! I am into the money I struck it rich,
Everyone wants places with me to switch,
I say; no way – I won it – I keep it to be sure,
My future now is guaranteed and secure,
I did it this time I got it all I am on the inside,
This time for sure lady-luck was on my side,
Tomorrow I go to collect my winnings what a day,
Four dollars sixty cents and a free play,

Welcoming Mat

Those who close their door on the world,
May at time have their door mat unfurled,
Let the world send in an inquisitive tentacle,
Not for sentimental reasons but being practical,
One never knows when a surprise visit will manifest,
By a long lost friend or an unwelcomed annoying pest,
Ergo, when next your door you wish to lock to society,
Please refrain from the usual worry and habitual anxiety,
Open your doors wide welcome all human kind and more,
Remember not all your visitors you need to adore,

Enlarged Family

To be environmentally sound I adopted a highway,
To be acceptable I adopted a cat that went astray,
I adopted a garden and adopted a hill out of town,
Adopted a Llama at the city zoo and 1 bear – brown,
I embraced two parks with playgrounds for children,
And accepted three dogs just to keep it nicely even,
The only problem I see and it keeps me unstable
How will all be seated on Passover around the table?

3 D Printers

Now we have 3D printers unbelievable I say,
They do not print on paper but real objects, no way,
I saw them print a gun then the bullets on a table,
Then I waited for the victim to be printed as well,
They do not print a plane ticket to the Far East,
They print the Taj Mahal, and the high priest,
In 3 D everything comes alive in front of your eyes,
Water it and feed it or you will see how it dies,
Next year I shall print my dream vacation too,
A restaurant dinner a car maybe a suit or two,
We keep this up it we will be replacing me and you,
When will printers duplicate themselves in your view?

New Sandwich

A new sandwich has just been invented,
The success of this sandwich already cemented,
The name of this sandwich is to be known,
As the Briewich, name to be written in stone,
To make it you need 2 slices of dark rye,
A few days old is good make sure it’s not dry,
Inside it please spread generous layers of brie,
A couple of red ripe tomato slices maybe three,
A slice of mozzarella – old is better for sure,
Wait, don’t rush it – don’t eat it premature,
Still have to toast the Briewich like a Panini,
You can eat it accompanied by a stiff Martini,
This sandwich is a new culinary invention,
I am sure it will get everybody’s attention,
It can be lunch, breakfast or light dinner,
Eating it you are sure to feel like a sinner,

Quantum Science

People talk of parallel worlds other dimensions,
Some talk of crystal skulls and space extensions,
Jumping time skipping spaces and quantum leaps,
Gravitational fields Bermuda magnets that beeps,
Archaeological findings of old bones new theories,
UFO’s arriving, alien kidnapping, exponential series,
I really don’t understand that much of the stories,
Nor do I take for granted it is the fault of the Tories,
In fact, I do not blame the NDP or the poor Liberals,
(Even though they do feel like painful root canals)
All I really need in my simple boring mediocre hoop,
Is a few veggies and some marrow bones for my soup,


People say I am paranoid I know not why,
They say I think behind every wall lurks a spy,
Truth be told, I do not think this is true at all,
I know since I have checked behind every wall,
I talked to my friends my relatives and children,
I asked the priest the minister rabbi and chaplain,
Nobody can read the writing on the wall it seems,
They think I am exaggerating and going to extremes,
So you be the judge, you decide right or wrong,
You decide, should I be put away – where I belong,
So please stop, enough with your insinuations and slurs,
Today I was informed, on Twitter I have 21 followers,


You know that CNN is a lousy contraption,
When the answers are shorter than the questions,
When four Christian women are murdered in Egypt,
Not one word on that not a smudge not a bit,
Yet of the cicadas that soon will arrive,
They report for 10 minutes some even live,
Something is wrong with a system like that,
That instead of reporting is chewing the fat,
I have no respect for CNN whatsoever
Not true not trustworthy not clever,


Jay likes to play on the computer,
He plays chess, hearts, and solitaire,
He plays at home at school and on his Ipod,
No one around thinks that Jay is a little odd,
But Jay is a little strange to say the least,
Nothing to do it’s the nature of the beast,
I think Jay is getting even stranger I swear,
If he is cheating when he plays Solitaire,

The Theory of Simplicity

Einstein said many years ago,
(I know since I read his complicated bio),
He said; if you cannot explain it simply,
You yourself do not understand it very clearly,
To which I say I totally agree my friends,
We all have so many requirements and demands,
Nevertheless, a simple uncomplicated answer will do,
No need to complicate anything in my point of view,
It is the simple and easy that will always shine true,
I have seen many examples between me and you,
One example that comes to mind an old Chinese book,
A Confucian sex education manual (I took a look),
It was simple, extra clear and very unordinary,
It explained –in, out and repeat if necessary,
It is such an easy manual to understand I admit,
A simple drawing will do, no need for a special kit,

The Weather

For a few hours we were fooled,
It was summer – then it cooled,
I saw it went up to eighteen,
Then it dropped to one it’s a sin,
Not to be trusted is this weather,
From T-shirt right back to leather,
Now they promise on the weather channel,
That in two weeks I can drop the flannel,
Maybe even a bathing suit will come out,
In case it is hot enough to frolic about,
Then who knows maybe have a whole month,
Of summer on our hand,


I read today about the different diets available,
Some are major some are small some scalable,
Some are only protein some are only carbs,
Some veggies only some will give you 6-pack abs,
There is Mediterranean diet and there is Atkins,
Some allows you greens and some are only beans,
Detox diets fasting diets South Beach diet and more,
Some are on the internet some you get at the store,
Low sulfur diet low sodium diet Okinawa and organic,
Shangri-La and Omnivore Sonoma Pacific and Atlantic,
Medifast, Islamic and Jewish, Swank and Germanic,
I am overwhelmed and overworked I try not to panic,
I discovered that what gets my mind to relax in peace,
Is chocolate, almond ice cream and Camembert cheese,

What Do I Say?

Nietzsche said not God but superman,
Plato said to love everyone is to become a poet,
Abelard said the key to wisdom is questioning,
Adler said if we don’t love we are alone and lonely,
Adorno said he who dies in despair lived in vain,
Aristotle said a friend to all is a friend to none,
Bacon said it is impossible to love and be wise,
Camus said don’t walk behind me I may not lead,
Confucius said Silence is a friend that never betrays,
Diogenes said blushing is the color of virtue,
Heraclitus said nothing is permanent except change,
And what do I say? Well I say….Cheese,


I am a free thinker he said with a smile,
I think it means he don’t get paid for his while,
He thinks for free does not get a dime,
Regardless of how long and how much time,
I rather be a very expensive thinker,
I rather be paid if my mind I am to tinker,
People like to have added values to name,
I am this I am that they claim with no shame,
How unfortunate when one makes such claims,
When one puts self in such boxes and frames,
Why not let others make that distinction,
Saves on arguments avoids needless friction,


In the last few years I am into green,
The environment, renewable energy all clean,
We take old smelly garbage and within hours,
It looks good and smells like rosy flowers,
Is it magic? One may ask in wonder and awe,
To make my car run on old Stella Artois,
Or to make my truck go like a heavy tank,
On a few liters of beer and Sauvignon Blanc,
Only one question bothers me all this time,
When do I get to drink Corona with lime?


I saw a show on TV it was funny,
People are growing their food, easy money,
They are doing it because it is good and healthy,
Unfortunately, to do it you must be wealthy,
So again, equality is good but it is not for all,
You must be rich and on this side of the wall,
Like the good book has been saying all along,
Better be healthy and rich you cannot go wrong,
Than poor and sick, you got it right friend,
No need to be a genius this to understand,
We take for granted the food that we eat,
All we do is go to the store across the street,
Millions need to walk many a mile every day,
To get some fresh water to drink away,
So, I ask you a simple question if I may,
Why not move closer to the water I say,


I went for my usual long walk today,
I stopped where time stopped – on my way,
I walked into the old Jewish necropolis,
The cemetery the underground metropolis,
Where all come to their final resting place,
Where words on cement will replace a face,
Where all words will be praising and commend,
After your death, why should anyone want to offend?
We rather offend the living so they can hear,
The bad and ugly that we so like to smear,
I walked on the grass and the soil and turf,
In death together are master and serf,
Looked at names, read the dates, many young,
Many died before their praise was sung,
Beautiful headstones artistically engraved,
For future generations are to be saved,
I like to walk the big old cemeteries,
In Toronto, in Rome and especially Paris,
Where many of the names are known,
From Oscar Wild to Jim Morrison,

Ease Off Ladies

Please do take out the garbage,
Paint the fence before my old age,
Mend the fixture and fix the door,
Cut the grass replace the floor,
Paint the gate secure the roof,
The SUV needs to be rust proofed,
Help the kids with their homework,
Move your ass stop being a jerk,
Ladies if your man says he will fix,
No need to remind him every 9 weeks,