Biting away

I was thinking to myself the other day,

When you get older, and they put you away,

In retirement home, (assisted living community),

Or a similar name meaning, “Slow disposal facility”,

When you brush your teeth at night, before bed,

How do you know they are yours (not someone else’s instead?)

xxx

 

George losing weight

George has been on a diet for two years,

He swore to give up on pizza and beers,

Indeed, he has made tremendous progress,

He lost lots of weight (he can only guess),

This of course causes much painful stress,

Yet he feels good with his way, God Bless,

How much did he lose he cannot really tell,

His tummy still hides the numbers on the scale,

xxx

Spectator Sport

In the restaurant, I just ordered a soup,

I always order pea soup, that I love to scoop,

It is rich and creamy, comes with crackers too,

So hot, that I must cool it with a double “foo-foo”,

Only this time between the peas in the soup and the green,

Couple of flies were doing a synchronized swimming routine,

I do not mind sport and I am wholeheartedly for it indeed,

(Although I myself have not developed the desire or need)

What did bother me, with this outstanding sporting event,

Was the spectators, a cockroach, two spiders, and an ant,

xxx

World Cup

It is the world cup, I am watching intently,

It is a football competition (soccer incidentally),

Twenty-two players chasing a single round ball,

With every opportunity, they pretend to fall,

It must be that their training includes acting too,

How to fall, turn red, cry and sob, then turn blue,

Problem is (this may come as a shocker),

They are much better at acting than playing soccer,

xxx

The old lady who swallowed a fly

Remember the old lady who swallowed a fly?

Everyone was worried perhaps she will die,

Well I got an exclusive update re the old lady,

Let us face it a lady swallowing a fly is a bit shady,

Up until today, we had no details, who or what she was,

Was it hereditary behavior, or was it menopause,

Information we have, and as far as the story goes,

To Florida she moved, because in Toronto she froze,

She married Mr. Katz her next-door neighbor,

But unfortunately in 2016 was swallowed by an alligator

xxx

Same but not

Despite the sound and clear similarity,

During the British Kingdom prosperity,

A farthing was a quarter of a penny,

And is not at all loud and smelly,

You see English is American not,

What you say here, there you cannot,

A queen in America is not Elizabeth 2,

A bitter there, is here a beer you brew,

And when here you order a sausage with fries,

There you will get a banger with chips, surprise,

xxx

Origami

I went to Japan to learn Origami,

In my profession, Origami is the key,

You fold the left and then the right,

You may do it by day or do it by night,

Must be precise, must be meticulous,

Or the outcome will look ridiculous,

My clients will think of me fondly,

In my business of dry cleaning laundry

xxx

Pharmaceuticals

I have a pill for blood pressure,

And a beta blocker refresher,

A pill for blood sugar to keep it low,

And one to stabilize my blood flow,

Two pills for cholesterol and LDL,

One for gout I cannot even spell,

Omega-3 to offset some issues,

I carry vitamins and lots of tissues,

Long-term insulin for short-term glycaemia,

Iron pills for the occasional anemia,

Other than this, my doctor says all-

Is sweet as honey,

Since I keep the pharmaceutical companies-

In the money.

xxx

My elephant’s tattoo

My elephant wants a tattoo on his butt,

Are you crazy I said: your butt is as big as a hut,

Why not on your trunk or your ear, a little smaller,

If you like, we can even do it in multiple color,

Let us do it around your leg or your thigh,

Or on your face we can tattoo a black eye,

All right said my pet you got me to rethink,

I will settle for my tummy to be painted pink

xxx

Our future

Never say don’t to a child, drop the no’s,

Say you shouldn’t, or couldn’t or never, because,

A child should explore, research, discover, ponder,

Let children dig, play, ask, wander and wonder,

Our future depends on those little minds growing right,

Take us into the light of day from the dark of night,

This way we ensure we don’t fall again into a dump,

Like we did with the likes of Trudeau and Trump

xxx

Importance of science

Have you ever considered science laws?

We would have no probable cause,

To be what we are or even where,

If it was not for Newton or Louis Pasteur,

We would be drinking unpasteurised milk while floating,

Without Darwin we would still be monkeying,

We would have no landlines without Alexander Bell,

We would go directly to IPHONE or Android cell.

xxx

Dieting

A diet this and diet that, this is all I hear,

Sitting outside with my seventh beer,

Why are people so concerned with weight?

Keeping record of what they eat or ate,

Still the food piles up on their massive plates,

Moving slowly, and on their asses it accumulates,

Relax let nature take its course you jerk,

Have a beer – let gravity do its work

xxx

A walk

Today I went for a walk, for half a block,

She asked, do you go for a walk to smoke?

I answered, I do not walk that fast, but I try,

Doctor’s orders, do not smoke, drink, eat – or you die,

So now that I cannot smoke we legalize Marijuana,

I wan’na but I can’na so I will settle for a banana,

My timing sucks, I could have had so much fun,

But nowadays, walk half a block, stay out of the sun,

xxx

In search of a pen

I am a poet in search of a pen,
Pencil will do, but will fade seven out of ten,
Ideas should remain, long after one is gone,
Cave people understood it, since humanity’s dawn,
Their cave walls covered with pictures and visions,
Today? Nothing really, Nowadays we have televisions,
No worries, today no one knows, Sartre, Hume, Rousseau,
Today we have Tetris, Kardashian, and Super Mario.
xxx

What needs to be said

Does it happen to you, that you want to pick up the phone?
Call your mom or dad, a cousin or friend, because it has been so long,
You just want to call and say, there was something I wanted said,
Something I was playing with deep inside my head,
Then you realise, alas it is too late,
To say the things that needed be said,
Too late, for they are all gone and dead,
But still, there is so much you wanted be said,
To your mom and dad and cousin and friend,
Maybe we need say what needs to be said,
To mother and father and cousin and friend,
When we can, not wait for the end.

xxx

Ode for Cannabis

Well Canada it is OK to Cannabis do,
What does it mean? I have no real clue,
Can I smoke it, grow it, eat it or drink it?
However, knowing governments you will need a permit,
This means that drink, eat, smoke or grow,
The government will want some smoke your way to blow,
Before you know, if you come here or go away,
There is going to be lots of cannabis tax to pay,
xxx

3D

We no longer listen to radio,
Only MP3 and streaming that flow,
We no longer read a book, an article, an essay,
Newspapers and magazines are fading away,
We no longer are, “three dimensional” or more,
TV’s are, speakers, games, plastic dirt on the shore,
Humanity’s IQ has dropped 10 points last 50 years,
However, it may go lower –
Once the dust in the white house clears

Life’s Good

Politics has taken over TV,
No need to try hard, understand and see,
On the one side, south, a delusional president,
Twitting away to his heart’s content,
On the other side, “A Selfie” Premier,
That from being an idiot makes a career,
“Oy, Canada”, at least in Ontario we done change,
We were rid of Wynne, got Ford in exchange,
Who cares people, Canadians, life is a gas,
Soon Canada will legalize grass.