Whatever Killed Carmen Miranda

There she was Carmen Miranda with her hat,
With seventeen pounds of apples and a fruit bat,
Singing “Mama Yo Quiero” while dancing the samba,
It was that or the tango and sometimes the Mamba,
Carmen Miranda the Brazilian bombshell of the fifties,
Piling on her head the plums the apricots and cherries,
Never before was someone so out of place like Carmen,
Walking around with a hat with a vegetables garden,
Is it wonder she died so young in her forties like that,
When her heart gave in carrying a ton of fruit on her hat,

Chisel and Rocks

This week my grandchildren are back to school,
Enough with the fun the games and the pool,
Let them suffer the way I did as a young child,
In the early days of my life when I was quite wild,
I went and bought the kids a new set of color pens,
That they can take to show their new school friends,
How easy kids have it nowadays, Ipad, Ipod, Iphone,
Not the way I had it in the days of chisel and stone,
Can you imagine carrying to school a chisel and a rock?
To carve away your homework, (this was my writers block),
Is it a wonder that now so many years later in my being,
I only write poetry and short stories, words on a string,
Imagine “War and Peace” written on a rock and slate,
Just carrying the index would put you in comatose state,
So be happy my grandchildren secondary fruit of my loin,
When grandpa is calling, better answer the damn Iphone,

Minimum Wages

Today they are discussing minimum wages,
It is all over the evening newspapers pages,
The fast food workers, the coffee shop kids,
Able to take home a few more cents, god forbids,
It is all right for the top person to make money,
But why does it have to be so absurdly funny,
Is there no limit to greed, paid $9600 per hour?
How many meals and drinks do you daily devour?
Eleven hundred workers get paid less all together,
Than the CEO’s of a coffee chain or fat dripping burger,

Mona, David and Venus

The day Van Gogh took Mona Lisa hostage,
That picture was on every newspaper’s front page,
The rumors were going on for a year or more,
Saying it was Michelangelo’s David’s private war,
To which Munch got into a fit and screamed,
DA-Vinci pretended to look his usual esteemed,
What is it about Renaissance artists (not Munch),
That brought them to fight, kick, and punch,
It got so bad they took the hands off Venus’s figure,
Because she gave Botticelli her open hand finger,

Pills and Millions

Ever since the new email law has been enforced,
All email issues have been resolved and endorsed,
Since July first when the law is in power in Canada,
We are better than these republics of the banana,
We are keeping the emails clean and business like,
We will withstand any attack or an email strike,
So this week I have gotten only a few reminders,
Of my Nigerian uncles, aunts and other binders,
I have been getting only sixteen offers for pills,
That grows my shrunk “member” as big as the hills,
Yes it is good to be protected by the new law,
Now off I go, my Nigerian millions to withdraw,


Putin and Obama, and the Dalai Lama,
Each in his way adding to the world of drama,
One is kind and peaceful, tranquility at its best,
The other two are a mess, to that we all attest,
Power hungry, nothing good about these two,
Bald headed men are more easygoing it’s true,
To that, I can attest first hand, as I am so kind,
Genghis Kahn don’t mention, never you mind,
So, from now on when to vote you are going,
Cast your vote where hair is no longer growing,

Archie Constipated

I was taking the dog for his walk,
So, we go for a short walk having a talk,
He stops here and there pretending to pee,
Or maybe to pooh, whatever the case may be,
So I asked him in a very polite manner, I said,
“Why don’t you go when we are out, are you dead”,
“Archie why don’t you go when we are on our walk”,
“Why are you saving your pooh around the clock”,
“Are you kidding,” said Archie his eyes were in tears,
You want me to pee and pooh when everyone leers,
You sir, you may do your business in the public eye,
I sir do mine in private or I rather explode and die,