Don’t Grouch

I cannot complain about life and its outcome,
I should not grumble about existence humdrum,
I look around I should be grateful and appreciative,
I am up and alive, animated productive and creative,
Others have encountered trouble from early days,
Some even lost their lives in many styles and ways,
So what right do I have to grouch bitch and whine,
Some have no food to eat and I kvetch about the wine?
Things should be kept in proportions, be measured,
Every moment be cherished revered and treasured,
Life cannot be calm smooth sailing all the time,
Having it a little rough is not really a crime,
Raise your head lower your chin harden your stand,
One day you will be able to pee again –
Without pain in the prostate gland,

Going To the Dentist

I went to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned,
He looked and he said, “A hole needs to be filled”,
Because, you lost that lovely filling friend,
A white filling will be best I so recommend,
So there I was sitting on the “chair”,
My eyes closed in my heart a prayer,
Let it be done – without too much pain,
What can I say I am not one to complain!
But something is wrong I must convey,
In a system I am given pain for which I pay

Horse Meat Burgers

Nothing like a good horse-meat burger in a bun,
This is the ongoing fashion in Berlin and London,
If you did not win a race or came at least third,
You end up as minced meat on someone’s plate,
Problem is you thought you were getting a fillet,
From a prime grade beef aged all the way,
Now you find out you are stuck with a pony,
That at best should have been made into a pepperoni,

Buffalo Wings

Don’t you love Buffalo wings juicy and messy?
With plenty of sauce red hot and zesty,
That makes you sweat from every pore,
Makes you cry and tear all over the floor,
As you look directly into the gates of hell,
With your tongue on fire your tonsils swell,
One thing bothers me to no avail truth be told,
I have yet to see a winged buffalo unfold,

Stanley Cup

I stopped a flying puck with my face,
Now all I have between nose and chin is space,
It was in the Buffalo Sabres Toronto Leafs game,
That I got my glorious claim to hockey fame,
It came flying at 150 miles per hour, zoom,
I heard music an angles choir and a big boom,
Now when someone flushes the toilet in Vancouver,
I get chills a slight headache and I sweat all over,
My doctor says: “it is not a big deal, it will pass”,
Once I fall off a building exposed to gravitational mass,
Either this or Toronto wins the Stanley Cup,
So I am looking for a tall building – going up.

The Way To Go

I am now entering that stage in life,
Where somehow your body is in constant strife,
What is good for the heart is bad for the gout,
You know that steak is bad so you eat trout,
One thing leads to another it is an ongoing war,
Between surviving dinner or munching on a boar,
Eating veggies gives you incredible painful gas,
So you eat dried fruit to make it easier to pass,
Ice cream is out because of high blood glucose,
So is cake, cookies, candy and beer for the cause,
What is a man to do if he wants to survive?
What can one do just to remain alive?
Should one survive on dry toast and beans?
Or on cucumbers lettuce and sardines?
I shall go down proud with steak and “Foie- Gras”,
A bottle of Gin, Cigar and a glass of Stella Artois,

Russian Meteors

A couple of days ago a meteor landed,
Apparently, meteors to Russia are attracted,
Last big meteor landed in Siberia in June 1908,
It laid down a few trees and smashed some real estate,
There has to be something about lonely cold Siberia,
That attracts the meteors – some unique criteria,
It started long before comrade Joseph Stalin,
Now another that broke 4000 windows clean,
It is amazing how lucky we were this time around,
When down came this rock weighing 7000 pound,
Although I can guarantee that our fear factor,
Would be higher had it crashed on a nuclear reactor,